


The Only Thing That Matters

by ProPinkist



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Episode 116, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I really hope I did this justice ugh, introspective, second person present, this whole part is so important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 04:51:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6224680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProPinkist/pseuds/ProPinkist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is so unfair, to both you and others who are the most innocent. ...But you have to remember what you truly wanted when you came here, no matter what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Only Thing That Matters

**Author's Note:**

> ...So, haha. This is actually not my first Hunter x Hunter fic, but I finally decided to start uploading new ones I do. I have a few old ones I will put up eventually... the reason I didn't before is because I don't know if there's an audience for what I write about, but also because I have not actually finished the show yet. There is one relationship in this entire show that destroys me more than any other, that I love with every fiber of my being more than any other (and it's not Gon and Killua's)... this should show it clearly. Basically I wanted to feels dump after episode 116 (and my biases and opinions are extremely obvious here) and for some reason I thought second person present pov was a good choice here??? I don't even know lol... but I hope it turned out okay and doesn't just sound like me rambling //shot
> 
> I'm not going to say "enjoy" because there's nothing to enjoy about this arc (besides imagining everything that could have been *sobs*)... but I hope it's good all the same~

You knew this day was coming. You knew from the very moment that you had that fateful encounter that it would culminate in this reunion again. You didn’t know how or where it would occur, and it could take weeks or even months, but it would definitely happen at some point. And you were waiting for it with bated breath literally every hour of every day, the excruciating agony of waiting and knowing there was nothing you could do until this exact moment arrived.

And that moment is now.

Two months and sixteen days it has been since you were first made aware of this inevitable future, as well as a month and six days since you knew without a shadow of a doubt how wrong this was, how much it needed to be fixed. Knew exactly what you would do, what you would say, what _needed_ to be done. It was only a matter of doing it now, just like you had planned.

…Except life was never that easy for you. Just like it wasn’t for so many other people.

The thing is sitting there, and it gives you a bit of satisfaction to see that it seems startled and afraid by your arrival. It _should_ be afraid. But what it’s doing… it’s doing something to a person on the floor behind it. Upon getting close enough, you can see clearly, and it makes you want to scream (not that you weren’t screaming already): a hideous, massive monster is hovering in the air above them, and long, thing, metallic needles probe the inside of the prone girl’s stomach, blood and black aura and grotesqueness everywhere. The thing is cutting her open, for seemingly no reason.

And in that moment, your mind cruelly turns against you, and puts someone else in place of that girl you don’t know getting torn apart by those things. You can see it happening so visually as if you were there: the blood, the pain, the _screaming,_ and the worst part is that you know it’s not just a fantasized vision, but most likely reality. The brutality and horror of it all is nearly enough to send you to your knees, makes you want to vomit and sob, is a hundred times worse than everything you had imagined in your head up to this point (and you didn’t think that was possible).

Angry enough as it is, you do away with the formalities when it’s obvious the creature is too busy mutilating its newest victim to remember you, and tell them exactly why you’re here and what they’re going to do. Exactly as you had rehearsed, despite this unexpected sight. The sooner you make it clear to it what you want, the sooner that image in your head can become irrelevant again. You’ll also be “saving” that poor girl from the monster: either she’s still alive and you’re at least giving her a few moments free of pain before she passes, or she’s already gone and you’re letting her body rest in peace. Either one isn’t ideal of course, but that’s hardly your main priority right now.

Everything is going to be fine: you have control over the situation, you keep telling yourself _~~(oh my god Kite I am so sorry what have I done how could I let that happen to you DON’TTHINKABOUTITANYMORE)~~_

The monster, however, chooses to be defiant. The bitch (no insult is low enough for it) _actually dares to say no to you._ To _you!_ When you could literally crush it without a second’s hesitation, when it is literally at your mercy and it _must_ know that… it tells you to wait for them. _Wait_. For them to finish off this innocent person, you assume. Finish playing with toy number fifty out of who knows how many.

But you’re not having any of that, oh no no absolutely _NOT_. Why should you have to wait even more than you already have? You’ve been waiting for exactly two months and sixteen days; that’s seventy-six days you’ve been waiting, and those seventy-six days have felt more like seventy-six _years_ to you. You’re not waiting any more, no way in hell. You’ve waited long enough, you’ve waited _too_ long.

_He’s_ waited too long. Much, much too long.

Finally though, it gives you the reason you need to wait. And that reason?

“I must save this person! They are… someone who is important to someone important to me.”

It continues to ramble about the Ant king, and about how saving this girl is all it cares about, but you’re barely listening anymore at this point. You didn’t think the blatant irony and utter _wrongness_ of the words coming out of its mouth could possibly get any more infuriating, but they have. It leaves you speechless, leaves you _breathless_.

You can only think one thing.

Why _HER?!_ What’s so damn special about her over anyone else? You have no idea who she is, but now that you know it’s _healing_ her instead of hurting her, you suddenly loathe the girl immensely. Maybe she’s innocent, maybe she’s not, but you don’t care about that anymore. The monster before you may not even be doing this of its own choice; maybe it despises doing this act as much as you do. But even if it was _ordered_ to help this person, it was still a choice that it made. It decided to value this life over another. Even if this girl is the richest, most beautiful, most kindhearted princess (or another female royalty) in the country, you don’t give a damn. A royal is not more worthy of life than someone who is poor, and the opposite applies as well. All people who are kind and honest have equal value, are all deserving of life to the same degree.

…Which is why you shouldn’t hate her. Logic tells you, deep down, that if the monster is reluctant to do this job (as it seems to be), there is a high chance that girl did absolutely no wrong.

But you just. Can’t. Stand. It.

That thing has the power of healing. It is the cruelest, most monstrous, and most horrifying creature you have ever encountered, and can kill someone without breaking a sweat… and yet it can heal. The irony makes you want to cry… oh wait, you already are.

After everything it did to _him_ , it could easily fix what it did, even if in an extremely grotesque and painful way. But instead, it chose not to. It chose to do _that_ to him.

It chose to heal this girl instead.

To hell with that.

_“Why are you helping her, after everything you did to Kite?!?!”_

This whole time, your friend has been trying to calm you down and tell you to go along with what it wants, but you ignore them. It’s _easy_ for him to say those things. _He_ isn’t the one who felt an immediate connection with your father’s old apprentice, who clung to him because he had been searching for his father for _so long_ and yet somehow, _somehow_ , finally felt content with this person instead. He isn’t the one who liked the stories he told, liked watching him fight, liked meeting all his friends. He isn’t the one who felt like a void had been filled in his heart that he didn’t know was there, only for it to be emptied again literally in the blink of an eye.

_He_ isn’t the one who spent all seventy-six nights up to this day having nightmares, sometimes waking up in tears because of the fact that _he failed to keep his father_ (because he couldn’t use any other word anymore) _safe._

He doesn’t care. Not like you do.

You are the only one… who cares.

_~~(I’m so sorry Killua, please forgive me)~~ _

The puppeteer is offering up parts of its body to you to ensure that it will keep its promise to you after it finishes the healing (if you let it, which you aren’t going to of course). It actually believes you would trust it to do what you ask without you having to drag it by force… so incredibly arrogant, it is. How ridiculous.

You’re so done with it all, so sick of its’ games. It’s going to die right here, right now, for what it did to him, _and_ for the naivete it displays in front of you now. Just so it will finally shut up, stop cowering and pleading for you to agree to its’ wishes. Its’ fear was pleasing in the beginning, but this should have long since been settled by now. You don’t want to deal with it anymore.

It’s the damn voice behind you (almost like your _conscious_ ), that holds you back yet again. …Though he does have a point this time.

You had a goal. You had a reason for being here. This whole conversation is utterly stupid, utterly _exhausting_ , and _shouldn’t even be happening in the first place…_ but no matter how infuriating this bitch’s words and behavior are, and no matter how much you want to hate that girl who is getting the life restored to her instead of someone else… there is no point in resisting anymore. At the end of the day, the longer you resist, the longer you’ll have to wait. And as you had already said, you can’t afford to wait any longer.

You’re tired. So, _so_ tired. It’s all so unfair: him being taken away from you and hurt like that in the first place is unfair, having to wait so long to get him help is unfair, and not being able to simply walk in and simply grab this monster by the throat and drag it to where it was going to undo the wrong it did is unfair. Not being able to kill it right here and now is completely, utterly unfair.

But you hold that image of him in your mind (not the one from a month ago, but one from back then… even as it’s getting harder and harder to remember that old face), and give the creature one hour to do its work, despite it being the most difficult thing you have ever done in your life. To submit to that _thing_ is absolutely insulting and degrading… but you decide you can be forgiven if it’s for the greater good. You simply have no more energy to argue the hypocrisy and unfairness anymore; you’re utterly drained.

You just have to wait one more hour, that’s all it is. One single hour you can manage, after having waited approximately one thousand, eight hundred and twenty-four hours already. One more can’t hurt more than you are already hurt.

One more hour, and he will be in your arms again. And you’ll be in his, too, because he will _know_ you’re there, know who you are.

To that end, you can wait. Hell, if this girl is saved and you never have to see her face ever again after this, you can begrudgingly want her to live. Hatred, too, required energy, and so you have no more hatred.

You only want one thing, and that one thing is the only thing that matters, you keep telling yourself in a repetitive, eternal monologue.

You just want Kite back.


End file.
